Everything's alright now..now that the weights gone..said no girl ever

The weight though it was hard..has all been shed.. those fat jeans lay in a heap on the floor..with your insecurities so you think..SO YOU THINK. This coming from a girl that since the age of 8 never felt  good..never felt good enough..never looked like the other little girls that played outside in their lush yards in upstate New York. The other little girls that played sports and had every boys attention. I still remember as a child looking out my bedroom window which faced a park..watching little kids play and wishing I could do those things. Of course I could do them..but I didn't want to. I would rather sit in my room listen to music and devour whatever treats I stuffed in my pockets from the kitchen. I would sit and be miserable always wishing always hoping.

This grew worse as the years tumbled forward..as the scale climbed higher and higher and I just settled with being the funny fat chick. You all know by now that I lost a lot of weight more so than most. I remember being excited with each number falling off the scale..I remember thinking I can't wait until I feel beautiful. I can't wait for it!

But then you reach your goal and it smacks you in the face.. you still feel those insecurities.. you still wished you were smaller than your friends when in reality you were. If only you could've seen that..if only you could've seen that you did do great things..that you did reach  great heights! Weight loss starts with our appearance but I am here to tell you that even a girl that weighs 115 pounds still feels as fat as the girl that weighs 215 pounds.

I preach this as I try and teach myself a new way of thinking.. when you grow up thinking you aren't good enough or beautiful..and then you realize at the age of 33 you still feel this way..it sure is hard to change. But you must..you must Caitlin..you must to every woman out there that doesn't feel good inside. I promise you that weight coming off won't change that way of thinking..we have to REBUILD. We have to talk about our issues..not tuck them away just for them to keep resurfacing..we have to build healthy relationships with ourselves first before we can even begin to expect great things.

This year I am rebuilding..I am adding in new flooring and a roof..I will add curtains to my gorgeous windows and pressure wash the outside..I will fix every crack I can find and slowly learn to accept that no matter what my size is..I have something to offer.