Perfection = boring

s Go hard go hard go hard..get results results results..but what good are results if they don't satisfy the need.. what good are they? What's the freaking point of working out hard and eating healthy and doing everything you can to look your best..when you never reach your opinion of your best. PERFECTION = BORING.. remember those words ladies!!

We are all guilty of wishing..wanting..hoping to be something that is so utterly impossible..we are all guilty of wishing we were perfect. In September after visiting with the 4th surgeon about receiving skin removal surgery I felt as if I nailed my own coffin shut. It's hard not to get upset even talking about it..but when the surgeon stated there was basically nothing else I could do ON MY OWN to have the skin removed..I became sad/depressed/pissed off/hating life.. I became my worst enemy. After working out so hard for 4 years and being strict with my clean eating I threw it all away at that very moment.

I cried in my car.. so upset that no amount of research on new weight training routines and no amount of saying no to sugar would ever be good enough. I hated my skin..I hated my skin more than ever. That skin pissed me off (and still does) ..sometimes I thought to myself that I wished I was big again. To never have to worry about a gift partially unwrapped yet being completely unable to finish ripping the gift wrap off. I guess that's the best way I can explain it. Or for my fellow foodies out there.. a big piece of cake but knowing you can only eat half that piece and sitting there watching the rest go bad.. the cake looses its moist deliciousness and becomes hard and crunchy..followed by mold on the icing. It's sad to watch it go and know you cannot do anything about it.

If I could go back in time and rewind I would never have gone to that surgeon that day..was he nice..yes of course. Was he knowledgeable of course.. but after pouring thru his clients before and after photos I became one bitter..jealous..pissed off chick. No amount of lettuce and iron would fix the ache inside. So I thought the hell with this..I'm going to just focus on my clients and quit focusing on me. What good was I if I couldn't give my clients the results of perfection.. maybe I can change their life and stop worrying about fixing mine. So that's just what I did..neglect. Neglected myself badly.. yeah I can use the holidays as an excuse (as most do and I have) and yeah maybe I can blame my new relationship and the fact that we dined out a lot during the "honeymoon phase".. but truthfully it's only my fault. These are all my decisions and my battle for perfection almost cost me everything.

Shows like The Biggest Loser.. or pretty much any weight loss magazine article..or infomercial out there give losing weight a bad name. If you don't hit your goal in short amount of time..and look good at the end..then you fail. But this is not true at all.. losing weight is a constant battle..even for me. It's taking it one day at a time..it's about making mistakes and Learning from them.. It's about realizing that what works for you may not work for the next person. We are all different..we are all unique..we are all human. Even Jillian Michaels has a cheat day..trust me I've checked!!!

When you lose a significant amount of weight..I don't care who you are you will be left with battle wounds..battle wounds that I've talked about being proud of but never really practiced what I preached. So now the teacher is being taught..being taught that even she has weak moments..just because I'm a personal trainer does not mean I am not going to fall on my face once in a while.. trust me I have to repeat that to myself over and over!!! But..baby steps...followed by proud strides..leaps and bounds. Each day is different no matter what. Some days are amazing but others will suck. It's about not letting it overcome you..it's about FINDING A BALANCE.. It's about still focusing on yourself when it's easier to focus on others instead. As a mom would for her family..trust me that your health is just as important and that you are not selfish for wanting good health!!

So maybe my ass jiggles when I walk..and my thighs are thick..but those thighs carried me far and will continue to still keep going for me..and who wants a bony ass after all? I think it was Sir Mix A Lot who said it best.. "you can do side bends or sit ups..but please don't lose that butt" .. Maybe your stomach is your trouble zone..but instead focus on something you love. I know I have a small waist and will embrase the large flap of skin that just won't go away..I'll ignore the blanket of skin that surrounds me if I'm swimming.. because I worked hard for that damn skin..every single day..and I worked hard for my bubble butt..that I can lift a lot with. Perfection consists not in doing extraordinary things..but in doing ordinary things extraordinary well (Arnauld Angelique)..

You and I were born to be real..we weren't born to be perfect.